The Champagne of Ice Cream? WHY?
The Food Network article by Aly Walansky begins with “In collaboration with Tipsy Scoop, the treat includes a peanut swirl to mimic peanut shells always found on dive bar floors as well as a hint of tobacco smoke flavor.” Who the hell actually asked for this? Who thought this a great idea?
The article continues (it’s a good short read, you should most definitely read it) “Dive bars aren’t the only type of bars with tons of history. Ice cream bars have their own history, and some pretty special memories. Now, Miller High Life is trying its hand at paying tribute to both with dive bar flavored ice cream.”
Say it with me folks, “WHY?”
Have you ever drank beer while eating ice cream? It’s not a treat, it’s best expressed as gassy, see what we did there?
Bad enough we have Arby’s Bourbon on the way, now this. None of these flavors are the things I want in an ice cream. I am proudly pro-dive bar, and I adore shitty beer. But beer and ice cream aren’t a combination I ever want to think about, let alone experience with tobacco notes. I cannot understand this world we live in where people dutifully line up whenever a lousy restaurant chain comes out with a new deep fried Chicken-paste nugget sizzurp sauce collaboration with lil’ Wayne (not real, probably?). Collaborations like this keep my mind infected with the “gag me with a spoon” lyric courtesy of Moon Unit Zappa.
Smoked like Arby’s meats. Honestly I had no idea their meats weren't just rolled in dirty ashtrays. Calm down Arby’s people, Arby’s sauce is the best coverup sauce in the biz.
It’s apparently the Ice Cream bar’s 100th anniversary, which reminds me that reliable refrigeration really isn’t that old (it also reminds me that I used to shit in an outhouse at my grandparents house in Topeka, KS, thank god Dove Bar didn’t pay homage to the shithouse of old for their anniversary bar.)
A miniature outhouse for you youngsters that don’t know. Perfect for storing your Dickel Tabasco collaboration. Designed by Wayne Sutton.
The new bar is infused (infected?) with Miller High Life, has peanut butter and caramel swirls, cigarette smoke, pop rocks type bubbly candy, and the standard chocolate dip. This sounds dreadful, but since it’s an anniversary celebratory release, it would make sense that this was a one off destined to join the McDLT in the ash heap of historically failed ideas.
You can order these online via Tipsy Scoop, or get them in person in New York.
Generally we are not fans of gimmicky things like this, but they do generate excitement for establishments and their customers who love to try the strange and outrageous. If there was a way to get one bar, we would probably try it, just to see what the food chemical engineers have come up with to reverently recreate the joy of stained Marlboro nubs in an ice cream, but $36 for a six pack (plus $45shipping) makes the $13.50 cost per bar nothing like a dive bar at all, but more like a high-end club in Las Vegas. If anyone gets the chance to check one of these out, please let us know in the comments.