My final allocated liquor dash
The warning came early in the morning via text message- “be ready for fathers day weekend, Dorignacs will be dropping allocated easter eggs throughout the store Thursday, Friday and Saturday. This was weeks ago, and since I had long given up lining up at stores pre-opening, I paid it scant attention. Fast forward to Thursday, a day off, oddly up early, and figured I’d get some shopping and errands finished before the red-head woke up. So off to Dorignacs I went to pick up the usual things- bananas, cold brew, coconut almond milk (Can take me out of California, but can’t take the California outta me), oatmeal, and a few other assorted needs. I was there at 7:30am which for me is the unholy time, but I wanted to get out of there and off to Celtica French Bakery (perhaps a Hall of Legends contender) for pastries and baguettes. I wandered around, and of course stopped to check out the liquor aisle, checked in on the Woodford Baccarat (yep, still there), and checked out. Got home, just in time for a text message time stamped 9:25am from Bryan- a photo, actually a screenshot of Dorignacs facebook page of a stack of liquor boxes in the frozen pizza section, with EH Taylor Barrel Proof, Eagle Rare, Elijah Craig barrel proof, and GASP Elijah Craig 18 year old (one of my all-time favorites), imploring folks to come visit for that perfect dads day gift. Well hell, I was too early and I didn’t need frozen pizza that day, so I didn’t even see it set up. I couldn’t go back, so I chalked it up as a loss and enjoyed my day.
Another text about an hour later, “more dropping tomorrow when they open.” Well, no way I’m getting up that early AGAIN to go look for whiskey, but of course, the next morning, I’m up at an ungodly hour thanks to the neighbors and their early morning argument of who is going to make the god damned coffee. So, I’m up, it’s 6:30am, can't go back to sleep, so ok, I dutifully put on my pants, splash water on my face, grab my phone and out the door I go. I try to justify this trip as needing olive oil to make some more hot garlic chili oil for the red-head, and there are some other things I need anyway that I forgot to get the morning before, but I knew why I was really going- the promise of Elijah Craig 18 year. I get there, and there are a bunch of folks (I shall call them vultures the remainder of this story) nervous walking into the store, you know the look, overly animated, head on a swivel, no cart, no basket, just an almost frantic pace….. I’m beat to the punch, defeated, no way I’ll get any bottle, and I’ve got perfect control of my FOMO so I grab the groceries I need. As I’m perusing aisles, getting my crushed red chili flakes, I’m passed repeatedly by people power walking up the aisle, no basket, no cart, just earnestly in search of the elusive “STASH DROP.” I begin to feel a bit embarrassed by the spectacle, reminded of these same behaviors from my past days of action figure collecting when people would pace around stores waiting for that box of starting lineups, or star wars, or furby’s to be dropped in the aisle for unpacking, the poor worker suddenly swarmed with ravenous adults each wielding their own box cutters in search of the next flippable hard to find thing.
Another thing I noticed while shopping, the relentless announcements on the overhead- “Liquor line 1 please.” Each one belying a vulture that was calling to find out about the stash drop, and couldn’t be bothered to actually come down to the store. These were one after the other, and I felt more and more distaste for this part of the hobby, what have we become? A bunch of desperate vultures looking to add yet another bottle to our “collections?” A flipper looking to make a few extra nickels off the backs of drinkers? We look ridiculous scouring a store, circling, hovering, trying to appear incognito, but everyone knows why we are there, and we cannot be bothered to even say hello to the workers, because we don’t wish to commit the most cardinal of sins- “You got any Blanton’s?” We avoid them to avoid embarrassment, but we already are an embarrassment, we either don’t know this, or we compartmentalize so that we can do this again and again just in case, next time- success.
I got home, and I was happy with my six pack of Miller High Life ponies, and other assorted groceries, but I’ve decided that I will never, ever again, go chase a drop, I don’t care what it is, or where it is, I’m finished with it, my disgust complete. I no longer see myself hunting in any meaningful way other than online, or via lotteries. In the meantime I’ll buy what’s on the shelf, happily, and never again look back.
- Mickey Pinstripe